star_trek_flashfic | Evil-Counterparts Really Suck (Gen crack-fic)

*sigh*

I have written Star Trek crackfic because I should be WORKING but this is more fun and lo and behold there was a prompt entitled 'Mirror Universe' and I thought about writing dark and angsty and came up with this instead. Uhm. Yeah. I should go back to work now.

Prompt: Mirror Universe Challenge
Rating: PG-13 for language and suggestive, uhm, y'know
Genre: Crackfic!
Words: 509
Spoilers: Not really, no.
Feedback: Heck yeah!

Evil-Counterparts Really Suck

The biggest complaint Jim had so far about these alternate universe counterparts of the Enterprise crew was that they had no frigging sense of humor. Oh yeah, and they were evil.

But seriously, evil-him had smiled at real-him but it had been one of those gloating—if I had a moustache I’d be twirling it—bwah, hah, hah smiles. And then Evil-him had sucker punched real-him. Evil-him was an asshole.

Jim had gotten a glimpse of Evil-Scotty when his damaged shuttlecraft had first been brought on board Evil-Enterprise. Evil-Scotty had sneered evilly, sucker punched him—because apparently that was what Evil people did—and then started cooing over some apparent differences in alternate universe shuttlecrafts.

And then there was Evil-Sulu who had taken the whole sword wielding thing and fuck if he hadn’t embraced it to a scary, scary level what with the eye-patch and the sinister scar and the at least seven blades that Jim had spotted. And that wasn’t even counting the hidden ones because blades were like roaches and if you could spot one then that meant there were at least 1,000 in hiding or some shit like that.

Evil-Chekov was sullen and pouty and totally unlike his totally superior non-evil Chekov’s clear eyed earnestness. The kid was clearly trying to look like a bad ass with the leather and the eyeliner but, really, he kind of looked like someone’s pet and ah, fuck, Jim winced internally. Apparently Evil-Chekov fucking was someone's pet because, at Evil-him’s signal, the kid got down on his knees and started crawling towards Evil-him in a disturbingly feline and inappropriately underage way and then started LICKING Evil-him’s BOOTS! Could he PLEASE not have this shit scarring up his PSYCHE?!

Jim was almost grateful when Evil-McKinley aka Evil-Cupcake arrived to drag him to the brig (and really, not a shocker to discover that Cupcake was totally evil in both universes).

And when he’d hit on evil-Uhura on the way off (and come to think of it, on) the bridge out of reflex, she’d just looked at him with the promise of death in her dark, dark eyes and pulled out a knife--from he had no fucking clue where because Evil-uniforms? Didn’t have a whole lot of hiding places. Jim actually kind of approved of Evil Universe’s uniforms. And okay so maybe evil-Uhura wasn’t all that different from his Uhura except his Uhura’s knife thrusts were usually verbal. Usually.

Evil-Spock? Had raised an eyebrow at Jim and said with mild interest “fascinating.” Okay yeah, so maybe evil-Spock was almost exactly like his Spock. Expect for the haircut which…Spock in a Mohawk. Heh. When he got out of this and made it back to his reality he was going to have to recreate that little image and share it with the entire galaxy.

Evil McCoy? Jim hadn’t met him yet and really fucking didn’t want to because simple, child like faith had part of Jim convinced that there was no such thing as an evil Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy in any Universe. And, if there was, well then the rest of Jim never wanted to know about it.

The End

Evil-Counterparts Really Suck (Gen crack-fic)

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